


The silence is unbearable

by Cats_Dont_Float



Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M, Multi, Polyamory, References to Depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-26
Updated: 2019-05-26
Packaged: 2020-03-08 17:36:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18899416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cats_Dont_Float/pseuds/Cats_Dont_Float
Summary: When John has a bad day, he usually relies on Dave and Karkat to distract him. When they aren't there, the bad thoughts he's been ignoring for months finally overwhelm him.





	The silence is unbearable

John, Dave and Karkat's house was always full of noise. Dave preferred to constantly rap about what he was thinking, rather than keep his thoughts to himself like most people. This normally ended with Karkat swearing at him for being too loud. Karkat himself tended to crash around the house, never doing anything quietly. He threw doors open, stomped up the stairs, and always put things down on the table much more heavily than he needed to. John often jokingly complained about the noise that the two of them made, but he never really minded it. Coming home to a house full of noise and chatter helped him to forget anything bad that could have happened in his day.

One day, after an exceptionally bad day, John headed home, looking forward to seeing the other two. All he wanted in that moment was to curl up on the sofa with Dave and Karkat and listen to the other two bicker about whatever they'd chosen to watch on the tv. But, when he headed inside, he found the house completely empty. He checked around the whole house, wondering if they hadn't him come in, but they were nowhere to be found. As he finally headed into the kitchen, he found a note pinned to the fridge. The magnet was shaped like the time aspect, so he knew the note had to be from Dave.  
_'John, gone out shopping with Karks. We'll be back in a while. Love - Dave x :)'_ the note read.  
John put the note back on the fridge with a sigh, and wandered back towards the bedroom.

It had been a bad day. John hadn't realised exactly how bad it had been until he was left alone to sit with his thoughts. He'd gone to see Jane, and she'd been upset about her dad, and then John had gotten thinking about his own childhood. That happened a lot. He always got sad when he thought about his old life. Sometime's things just got too much.

It was too quiet in the house. After a while, his thoughts got unbearable. He stopped thinking about the past, and started thinking about the future. Sure, him, Dave and Karkat were all happy together now in the strange relationship they'd built together, but what would happen in the future? Dave and Karkat had been dating long before John had joined them, and he was worried that one day they'd want to go back to just being a couple. Whatever they said to him, he always had the lingering fear that one day they were going to grow sick of him. Before long, John's thoughts had gotten too much for him, and he simply sat there, trying to hold back tears. The silence was unbearable, with nothing to distract him from his own thoughts. Rose was always telling him he should probably talk to someone about depression and anxiety. He'd never realised how bad it was until then.  
He wasn't sure how long he sat there for, but eventually he heard movement in the house, and realised Dave and Karkat must have got back without him noticing.

"John?" A voice called quietly. John continued staring ahead at the wall, not wanting them to see him upset. "John," Dave's voice called again, and then somebody crawled over the bed to sit beside him, "What's wrong?"  
"I'm okay," John mumbled quietly.  
"No you're not," another voice said, and Karkat dropped down by his side. The troll dropped his head sideways onto John's shoulder and looked up at him, trying to make eye contact no matter how much John looked away.  
"I'm fine you guys," John protested as Dave tucked his own head on John's other shoulder.  
"John, there's no point lying," Dave said, "We know you suffer with bad thoughts sometimes, okay? We want to help you. Talk to us, please."

John looked up at Dave, and saw nothing but his own face reflected in Dave's shades. He gently reached out and pulled the shades away from Dave's face. He smiled to himself at how Dave no longer flinched when people saw his eyes.  
"I'm okay now you guys are here," he said, gently putting the shades down and reaching out to cup Dave's face with one hand.  
"You're not getting away with it that easily," Dave murmured, "Talk to us."  
John let out a long sigh, and then reached out to grab hold of Karkat's hand from next to him. "I keep thinking about... well, when we break up."  
Dave stared at John for a few seconds, then over at Karkat, and then back to John. "We're not going to break up, are we?" He said after a while, "I mean, unless you want us to."  
"No, it's just..." John took another deep breath, "I just assumed that one day you and Karkat would want to just be a normal couple again."  
"There's nothing normal about us," Dave said with a small laugh. As John continued to stare at him hopelessly, he wrapped an arm around his shoulder. "We don't want to leave you, John. This wouldn't be the same without you."  
"Yeah," Karkat agreed, "We love you John, just as much as we love each other."  
"You do?" John asked.  
Dave chuckled, and pulled John even closer to him. "Of course we love you," he murmured, "And we always will."  
"Promise?" John murmured, his head now fully buried in Dave's side.  
"Promise," Both Dave and Karkat replied.

**Author's Note:**

> Found this in my drafts and decided to post it before it was deleted. Any kudos and comments are really appreciated!!


End file.
